TOSS THE BURNER: Sep. 30, 2008

Greatest. Headline. Yet. From BrooklynPaper.com (and a huge nod to NYhoosier.com for this too)

Hookers to get BJ’s in a mall

Gina Carano Tells Craig Ferguson MMA Is 'Kind of Like Sex' (FANHOUSE)
Michael Strahan Is Now The New Face Of Vaseline For Men (Awful Announcing)
Did your Congressman vote for or against the bailout? (via The Big Lead)
Story From NPR on Robert Downey, the Senior (via Pop Candy)

The Mooks of Kickball, Part Six

Welcome to my running series on kickball antics that will conclude whenever I stop getting fed gold. (Man, I knew part six would be the best...)

photo credit

Gawker gets the nod for this (yeah, right, cause they need my support) about a brawl that broke out on Sunday during the Brooklyn Kickball League's final night of playoffs - Brooklyn Kickball Brawl: "Brother Fighting Against Brother"

This is the league we played in this year (knocked out in the first round of World Cup-style playoffs, unceremoniously). And I was there for this fiasco!

Ok, I was in the bar. But rumor was a full beer was heaved at someone - which is surprising with this crowd, because that's really more of a meathead move.

Disappointing way for the season to end. This is the same kickball league that made Jimmy Traina's SI.com Hot Clicks for hosting an International Tournament! (their fourth annual, in fact). Cooler heads did end up prevailing and according to BrooklynKickball.com the finals are rescheduled for next week.

But seriously, what sort of retaliation wouldn't be justified for having a full beer hurled at you?Flamethrower?

Are Sled Dogs Our Most Superior Athletes?

A 10-year study at Oregon State University has revealed that Iditarod-competing Huskies are ridiculously well-oiled machines...

"A roughly 55-pound sled dog can burn up to 12,000 kilocalories per day - the equivalent of 24 Big Macs. A human athlete, to sustain Iditarod-level performance for just one day, would have to eat, *and* efficiently process, the equivalent of 72 Big Macs." (DogBlog.com)

Though the stats are pretty staggering, knowing that the Iditarod is a 10-20 day race where the dogs mush for 1,100+ miles (temps, can be as low as -40 degrees fahrenheit), I wouldn't say that the revelations here blew my mind. What is most impressive, however, is that these dogs can break down anything:

"Sled dogs eat a commercial race diet, but it can be supplemented by anything from salmon to congealed lard, all of which they’re able to convert to fuel."

Hence, the relevance of the Big Mac analogy above. I can't even jog after eating a turkey burger, by the way.

Short of going back in time and studying beasts that did battle in the gladiatorial arena, I think we might have found nature's preeminent competitor here.

Link:

Iditarod Dog Athletic Supremacy Explained (Discovery.com)

End Hits...

Zo & the Old General


On-court rivals Alonzo Mourning and Patrick Ewing will team up for Obama Rally in Broward County in the all-important state of Florida tomorrow (SunSentinel.com)



Natalie Gulbis Essay Contest


The finalist have been selected in the Natalie Gulbis "Who's Behind Your Success" Essay Contest (sponsored by RSM McGladrey). Lot of worthy candidates for the prize of spending a day in Vegas with Natalie. (WorldGolf.com)



Low Brow Discussion Will Not Be Allowed at Sports Talk Radio Station

FM-Station WMVN (101.1) in St. Louis will soon be converting from dance-music to sports, and station chief John Kijowski says, "We will be absolutely a 100 percent sports-talk station,'' he said. "Talk about bimbos, hookers on our air? No way. There's no need to dumb it down. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you have to talk about that stuff. We will take a local, regional and national approach to mature sports talk.'' (STLToday.com)



Parent Banned From Youth Football Over Bad Play

Finally, a unique spin on an old fable. A parent in Amherst, OH barked at the coach of his son's 9-and-10 year old football team, and demanded he call a specific play. (A sweep, resulting in loss yardarge. Police then arrested parent Eric Frambach, whose been charged with disorderly conduct and is banned from practices and games moving forward. (SeattleTimes.com)

Thong-Clad Maven Becomes New Chief of English Squash

Wild story I pulled from The Telegrath...

After competing in next month's World Championships, storied women's squash player Vicky Botwright will retire from the game, and become the Head of Squash in Manchester - home of England's Squash Association (WISPA) and the National Squash Centre.


Botwright moves on from a career that is marked by some of the most incendiary PR tomfoolery Pro sports promotion has seen since the turn of the century...

At the 2001 British Open, a 16th-ranked Botwright entered the court wearing only a bikini top and thong for an early round match (see the photos below from SquashPics.com). She claimed the traditional squash attire (and I guess speedos, bike shorts, tank tops by extension) was too constrictive. On account of this being completely ridiculous, she was not allowed to compete until she got dressed.

WISPA quickly admitted this to be a lavish publicity stunt, the brainchild of director Andrew Shelley, who scripted the whole thing. Nevertheless, it set off a media frenzy, as Botwright was dubbed the Lancashire Hot Bot, at one point vaulting into the top-10 in the Google search term rankings. Seven years later, the scandalous photos still show up first when you search for her on Google.

Of course, Botwright was moderately to fully aware (how could she not be?) of what she was voluntarily letting herself get involved in. In yesterday's Telegrath, she's quoted saying:

“It was the governing body's idea and obviously was completely staged. I didn’t go to one of the meetings I was supposed to attend and that was my punishment. Always go to a meeting - that’s the key!”

The World Squash Championships run from Oct. 11-19, and shortly thereafter Botwright will takeover as Chief. And barring any unforeseen stunts at next month's event, retain the title of squash's most recognizable yet controversial figure.







Links:

Vicky Botwright ready to expose new role for British squash
SQUASH BOSSES GET THEIR KNICKERS IN A TWIST

TOSS THE BURNER: Sep. 26, 2008

The Dodger clinched the NL West title on Thursday, and are playoff bound. Rafael Furcal is just psyched he doesn't have to report to jail at the end of this season.

Week 4 NFL Power Rankings (NE Patriots Draft)
Thanks For Choking Again Trojans (MoonDog Sports)
Lil' Wayne Is Not Only a Packers Fan, He Is Also a Blogger; Awesomeness Ensues (FANHOUSE)
THE JENNY CRAIG ALL-STARS (The World of Isaac)
Tale of the Tape: Wall Street Vs. New York Mets (SI Extra Mustard)

TOSS THE BURNER: Sep. 25, 2008

Natalie Portman broke up with her boyfriend Debra or whatever he's called, so that her an I can get back together.

Some say this doesn't qualify as getting back together, since technically we were never together. Others simply tell me: give up, it's never gonna happen. Haters. (via Pop Candy)

Olivia Wilde: Thank You For Being So Hot (MoonDog Sports)
VLADE DIVAC'S FACE IS A BIG PROBLEMA FOR THE LADIES (Epic Carnival)
Video: Kimbo Slice's Attempt To Kill David Blaine (Awful Announcing)
Gambling 2.0: Bet On Obama-McCain Debate (Busted Coverage)
McCain (not) on Letterman (The Sound of Young America)
Sunday Night baseball ratings for the Yankees finale weren’t great. (via The Big Lead)

Race-Walking Marred By Scandal!

Blood doping is assaulting our sports landscape as brutally as any other rule-bending plague out there.

The latest sport to fall victim - race walking, on the World Class scale of...

MOSCOW -- Five Russian race walkers, including world record-holder Sergei Morozov, have been suspended for two years for doping. Morozov, Viktor Burayev, Vladimir Kanaikin, Igor Yerokhin and Alexei Voevodin were sanctioned by the national federation for testing positive for the endurance-enhancing hormone EPO, the All Sport news agency said Tuesday. (AP)

Enhancement drug scandals in race walking. Is cheating officially everywhere?

Link:

5 Russian race walkers banned for doping (MiamiHerald.com)

London Olympics to Include Toilets Not Facing Mecca

The Olympic brass is already hard at work with the logistics of the London 2012 Games.

London - Olympic organizers issued detailed design rules for the 2012 London games Wednesday, including a mandate that at least some toilets in the Olympic park do not face the holy Islamic city of Mecca. (The Seattle Times)

The committee - deemed the Olympic Delivery Authority - says they're dedicated to creating an atmosphere that appeals to as many people from different cultures as possible.

More details like this to be flushed out I'm sure.

Links:

2012 Olympics rule: Toilets that don't face Mecca (Seattle Times)
Olympic Delivery Authority

U.S. Wins Ryder Cup, Again!

Little did we know that United States' victory last week in the Ryder Cup would not only mark the U.S.'s first victory in competition since 1999, but also a two-for-two in International team golf events in the past month.

I'm not sure what's more impressive, ending that near-decade long drought, or this...

On Aug. 22, Team USA capped off an impressive 14 1/2 to 9 1/2 victory over an International squad, in the annual College Park Cup, which is basically the Ryder Cup for amputee golfers.


The College Park Cup, first held in 1998, was founded by College Park Industries, a company that specializes in the manufacturing prosthetic limbs for athlete amputees. CPI also hosts the Extremity Games, an extreme sports competition for those who've lost limbs that was inaugurated last year.

Check out this amazing clip of a man demonstrating amputee golf...



Links:

Amputee golfers do well at international tourney (St. Petersburg Times)
NAGAgolf.org

Eight Belles Trainer Puts Himself Out To Pasture

Eight Belles, with Trainer Larry Jones

Larry Jones, who trained this year's Kentucky Derby runner-up Eight Belles, says he will retire after the 2009 Breeders Cup.

"I'm just physically tired, and it seems like I have a hard time keeping everybody happy," Jones said. (Kentucky.com)

Jones fell under intense scrutiny after Eight Belles' tragic collapse and death at this year's 2008 Kentucky Derby, criticism that he told the AP, "took a toll on his life."

This coming year's run for the roses will be Jones' last shot at the Kentucky Derby victory that has eluded him throughout his career. Along with Eight Belles, Jones trained Kentucky Oaks winner Proud Spell and Derby runner-up Hard Spun.

Links:

Eight Belles' trainer Jones to retire (Associated Press)

TOSS THE BURNER: Sep. 24, 2008

photo credit

Kings of Leon rocked Webster Hall last night. And Rolling Stone has deemed their newly released album Epic.

NAME THAT FALL TV STAR (The World or Isaac)
The Office: Sports Edition (NE Patriots Draft)
Rising NHLer KO’d By Evil Golf Cart (Sports By Brooks)
Keith Olbermann: The Goof That Changed The Game (via The Big Lead)
Diagnosing Chuck Klosterman (via Pop Candy)

...and here's KOL at Webster Hall back in 2005.

GOLFERS RESCUE PASSENGERS FROM PLANE CRASH!

Heroic linksmen ran to the aid of two passengers of a single engine Cessna that crashed shortly after a failed landing yesterday afternoon in Carlsbad, CA.

CARLSBAD – Golfers pulled two injured men from their two-seat plane that crashed into a ravine late yesterday afternoon after a touch-and-go takeoff from McClellan-Palomar Airport, authorities said.

The single-engine Cessna 152, rented in Long Beach, hit a brushy slope near the 16th hole of The Crossings at Carlsbad golf course, about half a mile northwest of the runway. (via SignOnSanDiego.com)

The golfers heard the plane sputtering overhead, before it went down falling 30-feet into a ravine! The two passengers, 19 and 22, suffered only fractures and cuts, and were said to be "alert but confused" as they were taken from the scene.

LINK:

Plane crashes into ravine; pilot, passenger hurt (San Diego Union-Tribune)

Doyle Brunson's Chips Fall with McCain...

He doesn't sound all in, but a recent blog post by Doyle Brunson, poker's most legendary maverick , on Doyle's Room makes him seem to be leaning towards McCain:

"It's hard to believe, but McCain has taken the lead in the Presidential race. They rolled the dice when they chose Governor Palin to run for Vice-President and they threw a seven, because she really turned things around for the Republicans."

Brunson then continued: "It's hard not to be in McCain's camp after listening to his life story. He really is an American hero. I'm not sure either Presidential candidate is the right person to lead our country over the next few years." (via 911gambling.com)

Brunson had initially said he'd be voting Democrat for the first time in his life this election.

In a survey of 1639 American Poker players, Yahoo! Sports UK reports that 64% support Obama over McCain, who both are apparently proficient poker players in their own right. Sarah Palin has also been known to play a few hands. However, the trump card (not to mix bad gambling puns, or nothing) goes to Joe Biden, whose son, according to 911Gambling, was a lobbyist for online gambling site PartyGaming.

If the most recently proposed $700 billion bailout goes through, if and when Obama gets elected it sounds like he might be playing short stacked, concerning his spending programs.

TOSS THE BURNER: Sep. 23, 2008

Kings of Leon celebrate today's release of their new album Only By The Night with a show at Webster Hall in NYC tonight. I'll be there, it should be pretty rockin'.

British Media Happily Teeing Off on Nick Faldo (FANHOUSE)
Four Major Labels Make Deal To Release Memory Card Albums (Rolling Stone ROCK N' ROLL DAILY)
Warren Sapp Sets Miami Football Back 25 Years (Hugging Harold Reynolds)
Even Ronnie Lott Knows The SEC Is Awesome (MoonDog Sports)
Magnetic Fields' Merritt Inspires Line of Footwear (Pitchfork Media)

The Mooks of Kickball, Part Six

Welcome to part six of my seemingly infinite discourse on the wacky (sometimes wackness) from the wide world of kickball.



Though we're not exactly sure what this edition's transgressor is up to, some guy who calls himself Kickball Jesus is pumping some kind of kickball meets desolation art exhibit in the Mojave Desert on his blog P.I.M.P.S (People Making Psychogeography Sexy)

Coming November 7th, 2008...

...Only at High Desert Test Sites (HDTS) The Worlds of Kickball and "Sub Fine" Art Collide in The Mojave Desert like Never Before!!

Stay Tuned for more info!!!

~Kickball Jesus (KJ)

Kickball's Second Coming also affiliates himself with an organization dubbed 'Kickball Jesus Speculative Ocean Front Property Development Corporation', which he owns the copyright on.

Whatever this is (probably just a guy whose government name is now kickball jesus), it will be the inaugural exhibit of the Wonder Valley Institute of Art, located in the cultural mecca of Mojave.

Links:

Wonder Valley International C(K)ickball Association (P.I.M.P.S)
Wonder Valley Institute of Contemporary Art

TOSS THE BURNER: Sep. 22, 2008

Travis Barker and DJ AM are expected to make a full recovery after sustaining second and third degree burns when their plane exploded during take-off over the weekend. My thoughts and prayers are with their family and friends. (via Pop Candy)

David Eggers Interviews Chris Elliot (The Sound of Young America)
Who do you want on your couch today? Obama or McCain? (The Shutdown Corner)
10 wild card players in the NBA this season (Cuzoogle)
Joey Porter, Anthony Smith: Tale of the Tape (NE Patriots Draft)
Jim Zorn To Steve Largent, Top Pass Combo, Video (NESW Sports)

The Cheers, and The Jeers...

Just because the track is no longer slanted, does not mean the semantics of competition can't be. For example, instead of conventional cheerleaders hell on wheels has....jeerleaders!



OR, even better, fearleaders!


These diabolical pep mavens are sort of a cross between the Knicks City Dancers (if they were all tatted up) and the creatures that comprise the Raiders fan base.

No better way to get acquainted with them than watching a dance off! Here are LA Derby Dolls Fearleaders facing off against the Gotham City Jeerleaders at last year's RollerCon...

TOSS THE BURNER: Sep. 19, 2008

Baroness has been described as the musical equivalent of bodyblow-bodyblow-uppercut. You ever get in the mood to just listen to metal? I do, frequently.

Blogger Interview: Hugging Harold Reynolds (The Big Picture)
Wee Man Picks Shaq Up Off the Ground, Video (NESW Sports)
David Stern renames NBA teams due to boredom (Cuzoogle)
Jets Flight Crew got new unis; Sterger still employed (on205th)
10 Hottest Actresses in Sports Movies (InGameNow blog)
These Go To Eleven: Hottest Cartoon Characters (Brahsome)

...that's a masterful post by Brahsome, by the way. Speaking of which, Baroness was a pretty hot G.I. Joe character herself.

Public Health Foundation Vows to Bring Recess Back!

The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation recently announced they'll invest $18 million dollars to bring recess to the elementary schools of America's minority and low-income kids. They've partnered with Sports4Kids, a national nonprofit, whose website claims they want to have recess back in 650 schools in 27 different cities by 2012.

In 2007, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation issued a report called Recess Rules. Obviously. Recess was excellent, except for indoor recess - especially back in the 80's when we had one Commodore 64 in the classroom. I maintain that bad weather depression is not an innate response, but a learned condition from years spent playing paper football during recess on gloomy days (sucked).

Thinking along those lines, if recess has truly failed to survive - and frankly, it was news to me and I'm shocked that it's so non-existent that we need 18 million bucks to bring it back - kids these days must be downtrodden constantly! We need to get these kids out of the trappings of their classroom and onto the playing field - if only for 15 minutes proceeding lunchtime each day. Apparently, The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation also puts trained adults on the playground to help kids learn the dying recess games of yore - kickball, tag, etc. I'm down. I'll help unleash the four square champion inside each impressionable youth.

Check out rwjf.org and Sports4kids.org for more info.

Links:

Tag, You're Healthy!

TOSS THE BURNER: Sep. 18, 2008

The polls close for THE IRON REF in a matter of hours, and I need your help. I'm facing off against some dude who goes by The Russianator. I'm sure he's a good guy...and probably commie. So, get moving! Voting ceases to be at 5 p.m. EST.

Rating Rider Cup Wives (Cuzoogle)
Seven Things Gilbert Arenas Now Has Time For (The World of Isaac)
Week Three NFL Power Rankings (NE Patriots Draft)
Meet Matt Ass-Hell (Hugging Harold Reynolds)
Touchdown Monkey, Colts Commercial (NESW Sports)
More Dirty Angels Photos in Anaheim (The Sports Culture)
Gators LB Spikes Call Volunteers "Quitters" (Moondog Sports)

VOTE! LIKE TEN MO' TIMES!

I'm competing this week in Hugging Harold Reynold's IRON REF. When I agreed to do this, HHR told me I could hand select my opponents. So when I sent in that photo of me admiring fine arts in Paris with my bio, I indicated I'd like to face-off against the creator of Soveryposh.com and my buddy J Dot Domingo, who once had a blog about his fake ex-girlfriend. Since The Chief doesn't appear to be interested in me rigging the contest, why not go for broke I thought?

Go vote for my post about Michael Phelps, Lil' Wayne, and divine intervention - sounds like a campaign you could stand behind, right?

Even if you morally object to what I have to say, there's more Weezy over there where this came from to...

The Iron Ref

Your boy young MH will be competing in this week's IRON REF competition over at Hugging Harold Reynold's.

Go check out The Chief's intro to this week's showdown, and see my bio - forgot to mention the detail that I've had exactly zero haircuts in '08. The secret ingredient is divine intervention and the posts go live on Wednesday! The only hint I'll give out: Weezy, baby!

Surf Goddesses, Nice

My respect has always gone out to surfers and their brand of aquatic athleticism. Hence, I watch Point Break every time it's on Spike TV (if you’re like me, there is no surprise that Swayze has yet to succumb to cancer)

Um, Swayze played a bank robbing surf ninja in that film, and you’re going to give him weeks to live? Secondary to that, the royalties off starring in a film that’s played 1400 times a year on cable (a 50/50 split, approx. 700 airings each on Spike and TBS) must be pretty lucrative – good enough to pay for high-end cancer treatment, I’d imagine.

Swayze rules (given); but as much as I love Point Break for its intricate plot lines and its determination to portray Gary Busey's character as the sane one, I’d rather watch Kate Bosworth and Michelle Rodriguez hit the surf in Blue Crush any day (it would be my second favorite surf movie, and Surf Ninjas is a distantly distant third). With that said, we turn our attention to the ASP World Tour and women’s pro surfing. The ladies are competing in Rio De Janeiro this week, and are already in to the quarterfinals of the Billabong Girls Pro Rio. The tournament runs until Sep. 18, with the winner taking home $85,000.


Go to ASPWorldTour.com to learn more, and check out photos from flickr of the Roxy Team:

Megan Abubo

Missy Gibson

Kassia Meador

Sofia Mulanovich

Veronica Kay

How's that for Friday reading?