Golfers Robbed at Gun Point on the 16th Tee...

No word yet on what they're calling this guy...the Tee Box Bandit, the Putting Green Prowler, the Winter Rules Looter?...

The robbery took place this past Saturday at Brynwood Golf Club outside Milwaukee.

When the party of six, four golfers and two caddies, reached the 16th tee shortly after 11 a.m. a lone gunman emerged from nearby woods and said, “Give me your money,” according to police. (from JSonline)


It has not yet been released how much this sandbaggin' predator made off with. But all BCC caddies should know that the Caddy scholarship is still up for grabs...so start showing up for work with a glock and always keep your head on a swivel.

...the Mulligan Mugger, the Pitch 'n Putt Perp, the Lateral Hazard Larcenist?

Arena Football Team to Offer Free Tickets to Entire Town!

Darren Rovell asks Is this the Best Sports Promotion Ever? Quoting the press release:

The entire hometown of Philadelphia Soul star wide receiver Chris Jackson has been invited by the team to attend its Divisional Playoff game at the Wachovia Center on Saturday, July 5 as part of Chris Jackson Day. The Borough of Morrisville has a population of 10,096 and team President Ron Jaworski is offering everyone to pick up free tickets at a community celebration this Tuesday afternoon, July 1, at Williamson Park.

Due to TV contract stipulations, the Soul is being forced to hold the game the day after the Fourth of July on Saturday, July 5th. (Fireworks are legal in PA, so Independence Day is like a weekend long m-80 event, people at least need Saturday to take inventory).

Also, due to the nonchalant and apathetic nature of most Arena league fans, Soul management is hedging their bets that some of the 8,000 season ticket holders might not want to go, and they'll have ample room in 16,000 capacity Wachovia Center for the Morrisville population.


A new edition to the Soul this year, Jackson's numbers mirror Arena ball scoring culture - the game tallies resembles the NBA... All-Star Game. In 16 games this year, he has 140 receptions for 1,700+ yards and 49 TDs, contributing 294 points to the teams nearly 1,000 this season.

Wild stuff. But again, the people in PA take Fourth of July weekend pretty seriously.



Plus that's the last day for Bucks County residents to catch An Evening with Ben Franklin at the Free Quaker Meeting House, and Boyz II Men is playing Penn Landing the same night. (I perused PhillyFunGuide.com)

I imagine that it's a big Sesame Place day too.

What is sick to think about is that if Bon Jovi made this same offer to Asbury Park residents for his PNC Bank spandex revival they'd probably have to call in the riot police


AFL's Philadelphia Soul: Offering The Best Sports Promotion Ever?

Pearl Jam, June 24th, Madison Square Garden, New York, NY

Pearl Jam was scheduled to come on at 8:45. They were on the stage, full-bore, at 8:45. And they stayed there for practically three hours. The intermission was barely long enough for me to go pee.

It was about :38 seconds into the show before Eddie Vedder'd the mic

This was the first time I dabbled in arena rock since the U2 Elevation Tour in 2002. At first, I was little apprehensive about my seating location - behind the stage. But it was actually pretty cool, and you get a real sense for the spell that Eddie Vedder has over the crowd. Mike McCready could have his guitar propped up on his shoulder blades shredding, and if Eddie crept back stage for a smoke the sections around me went ballistic for him. I also had a great view of Eddie getting booze from the crew. (it was sort of a well-oiled, assembly line of stagehands feeding him bottles of Moet).

The highlight of the show for me was hands-down when they closed the first set with 'Do The Evolution', which they dedicated to George Carlin. If anybody has this video, I IMPLORE you to post it to YouTube. Here's the setlist (via Stereogum):

01 "Hard To Imagine"
02 "Save You"
03 "Why Go?"
04 "All Night"
05 "Corduroy"
06 "Faithfull"
07 "Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town"
08 "Down"
09 "Unemployable"
10 "Given To Fly"
11 "Who You Are"
12 "Whipping"
13 "1/2 Full"
14 "Even Flow"
15 "Present Tense"
16 "Daughter" (with the Rangers chant!)
17 "Do The Evolution"
----
18 "Love Reign O'er Me"
19 "W.M.A."
20 "Leash"
21 "Spin The Black Circle"
22 "Wasted Reprise"
23 "Porch"
----
24 "No More"
25 "Crazy Mary"
26 "Comatose"
27 "I Believe In Miracles" (with CJ Ramone on bass)
28 "Alive"
----
29 "All Along The Watchtower"
30 "Indifference"

Here are some photos from last night. I emailed Ryan Muir - who for my money takes some of the best photos around of New York City rock shows - to see if he was going to be there. He didn't end up going, but I did find these beauts on Flickr:

Toss the Burner: June 24, 2008

Going to see Pearl Jam tonight at MSG! That's a big one crossed off the list right there.

• The Idea of Superconferences in College Football (The Big Lead)
• Video Interview with the Refs for the Euro Cup Final (The Guardian)
• Zimbabwe Cricket Tour would be 'Unwelcome' in England (The Guardian)
• What are the Worst Covers Ever (Pop Candy)
• Five 80s Toys That Didn't Kill You, Just Made You Stronger (Deuce of Davenport)
• IFC.com's Jim Shearer has an Unnatural Love for the Beastie Boys (IFC.com's Lunchbox)

Zombie Kickball in Portland

In my opinion, this has basically turned into a game of one-upping. It seems that the further I dive into the World of kickball, the stranger it gets.

And these guys make the pirates from Brooklyn look like merely over-enthusiast camp counselors.




What is weirdest to me is that this is happening in Portland, Maine of all places. Isn't it like the L.L. Bean Capital of the World?

Ah... Vacationland! It's here at long last... Summertime in Portland, Maine! Barbecues all over Munjoy Hill, picnics across the Eastern Promenade. Kites flying above the East End Beach, boats sailing in Casco Bay. Friends and lovers lazing on the lawn, families basking on the beach, children frolicking on the playground...

That little snapshot of tranquility came right off the Zombie Kickball MySpace page.


Game play and strategy definitely appear open to individual interpretation. However, the two rules that participants in Zombie Kickball must adhere to above all else are be civil...and be courteous.

To be more specific, that means don't stagger through flower beds, don't stumble against cars, and keep your moans to a dull roar.

And, of course, be respectful of the Bayside Little Leaguers playing nearby.

The Third Annual (kickin' ass and taking brains since 2006!) Zombie Kickball happens on Sunday, June 29 on the Eastern Prom in Portland.

Check out some footage and photos from year one here:

Brian Scalabrine's Championship Press Conference

Kevin Garnett's loud, loud noises sort of swept this under the rug for the past week.



Suffice to say Scalz makes KG (and his Anything To Be Or Not To Be Possible) look like Churchill.


The creme de le creme of this astonishing display...

We do our defensive philosophy

nothing...nothing?

This is gonna be a series, how could that be?

He totally dominates the point guard position, when he's a small forward, as well as Rajon (wait, Pierce dominates Rajon how?)

How?

Of course, it doesn't get really good until the end.

Some foreign soccer reporter reminds Scalabrine that he didn't even play one little second in the Finals...


In five years, you guys are gonna forget (fair point)

In 10 years, I'll still be a champion (reasonable, in a cliche sort of way)

In 20 years, I'll probably tell my kids I started! (Did Scalz just invoke the idea him procreating?)

And in 30 years, I'll probably tell them I got the MVP!

(Confirming that the intellectual ceiling in the Scalabrine gene pool is as low as you thought it might be)

What. A. Retort.

The Pizza Vending Machine

Oh hell yeah.



(via Pop Candy)

It's Like Grass Seed On Steroids!

Nothing is effing sacred anymore. Not even grass seed.







Proven to protect against pet urine from dogs on steroids. Available wherever miracles are sold.



...I've gotta go water my new driveway lawn.

What would you Light on Fire?

This is Hillary. Isn't she adorable? (don't be fooled...). She graciously offered to serve as the featured PBR Tour attendee and post on the following topic:

If you were offered free Pabst for the rest of your life...


What are the Top-3 Possessions (Belonging to your Roommates) That you would Light on Fire





There are quite a few goods belonging to my debonair and lithe roommates that I would not hesitate to hurl into a conflagration in the name of PBR...the first being Berger’s Aerobercise VHS collection, along with the sweatbands, spandex leggings and leotards that accompany the 6am-daily routine. As much as I adore watching any hot man sweat it out to the 80’s...I must protest that being woken up by earth shaking jumping jacks to “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” is losing its comedic appeal.


Next, out of my pure “big sis’ looking out for her lil’ bro” sentiment, I would have to douse in jet fuel and then take a match to Riccardi’s Hannah Montana bedding, posters and bean bag chair. The man is a P.I.M.P. Let me just state that for the record. However, I have a hunch that outfitting him with some new bedroom digs just might lead to a magnanimous action-influx in the boom boom room. (Being the saint I am, I will allow him to keep her CDs and collecting cards).


Lastly, and with a twinge of regret, I would aim my flame thrower at their most recent “grand scheme”: The Bergdorf Astoria Ball Pit. I admit, it was fun the first few days...but turning the living room into a McDonald’s style playpen has lost its appeal and has also lost all of the tv remotes, 2 of my cell phones, my ipod, house keys and on Saturday Berger’s virginity as well- throwing the nearly non existent sanitation factor of the ball pit out the window.


And by the by, I will not hesitate to perform any of these arsonary feats if really given this PBR for LIFE deal. Don’t make any promises you can’t keep or I just may set you on fire too.


It bares mentioning that these are the two imbeciles in reference here. Well done Hillary.


Hope to see you all tomorrow!

Barkley Stays Debt Free...

He could always make a gentlemen’s bet with Lou Holtz for who will come in dead last, right?




On a conference call this week for the American Century Golf Championship, Jason Kidd said that Barkley is staying on the wagon:

“I was at a recent event with Charles in Palm Springs and we were at a casino. While he could have been tempted by the surroundings, he did not participate. I think once he makes up his mind not to do something, he sticks with it and will be alright.”

Barkley is a 500-1 underdog to win the Celebrity-Am Tournament that takes place in Lake Tahoe the first week in July. Lou Holtz, Brandy Chastain, and Kevin Nealon are the next biggest underdogs at 300-1.

On Barkley’s golf, Kidd said:

“Everyone knows he’s the worst golfer. But he’s also one of the funniest and most popular. But he is the worst golfer I’ve ever seen.”

The 2nd Semi-Annual PBR Tour This Saturday!

Back by popular – or dare I say, rabid – demand, this Saturday we will be holding the 2nd Semi-Annual PBR Tour in New York City.


For those of you not in the know, this is your standard bar crawl. Unique to this is that all the watering holes have been carefully selected based on the fact that they sell cans of PBR for $2.

We called each bar- claiming to be Mr. Pabst - confirming ample stock.

It’s starts at 4 p.m. EST at Ace Bar, and the order of bars is included below. Also, check out MapFaced.com for more details. (Note which event is numero uno on their list of 5 Buzzworthy Crawls!)


There is a suggested $5 donation to CharityWater.org. It’s suggested, but listen, folks, this is not like going to The Met, ok? Look at what she’s drinking for Christ’s sakes:


That girl’s water is burnt siena. There’s also the possibility that if we raise enough money some of the proceeds could be allocated towards creating life-size cardboard cut-outs of people you might know.

Any questions, email me at mikeehayes@gmail.com. Also, if you plan on tipping off the authorities, I’d appreciate a heads-up.

Check back tomorrow when we’ll have a post from featured tour attendee Hillary Moloney – who will offer her Top-3 Possessions (belonging to her roommates) she would light on fire if it meant free PBR for life.

The Bars:

1.) Ace Bar (E. 5th, between Ave. A & B) – The Tour kicks off at 4 p.m.

2.) Cheap Shots (1st Ave., between St. Marks & 9th)

3.) Coyote Ugly (1st Ave., between 9th & 10th)

4.) Crif Dogs (St. Marks, between 1st & Ave. A)

5.) Dempsey’s Pub (2nd Ave., between 3rd & 4th)

6.) Welcome to the Johnsons (Rivington, between Essex & Norfolk)

cricket gets with it...

When I first read that cricket is going to allow switch-hitting, I thought how archaic is this sport?


Guardian blogger Richard Williams defends employing switch-hitting, citing Mickey Mantle's success switching to bat lefty so that he could pooch balls over the short right field wall in Yankee Stadium.

That was pretty revolutionary, progressive thinking...also happened over 50 years ago.

What these cricket ninnies - and cricket is a game played by ninnies - are actually talking about is if the batter (guh, batsman) jumping across the plate (errr, wickets) mid-pitch and then swinging. See for yourself:



Shoot, that was pretty hard core. After Kevin Pietersen hit those two sixes against New Zealand the other day (they look like garden-variety jimmy jacks to me) the MCC endorsed his improvisation.

One of the guvs was quoted saying: Indeed, the stroke conforms to the Laws of Cricket and will not be legislated against!"

That's great...and geez take it easy, will ya?

According to a Gaurdian poll, 87% of people are against allowing the switch hit (also called the reverse sweep, or the Dominic Monaghan - whose voice it is I hear in my head when I read the Guardian.)


One the commenters on Williams blog asked, who can forget Mike Gatting's disastrous attempt at [a reverse sweep] at the World Cup in 1987?

Gatting, bloody idiot.





Ah yes, there's the fancy lad effeteness we've come to expect from cricket. I feel much better.

Who gets to throw out the first pitch?

For my next birthday, all I want is 15 seconds of footage of myself getting the Gatorade shower filmed using the super slow-mo.


Presumably, sometime in the next few days there will be a big bruhaha for the Celtics at Fenway Park.

I put it to you, who will get to throw out the first pitch?

Please find the poll on the side underneath my mug. I've nominated the big three, the skip, and the man I believe will have the most free time on his hands.

Now that this NBA business is done with, we can move on to other sports happenings. Like Ana Ivanovic being a babe and being ranked number one at Wimbledon.

Roller Derby Track From Charlie's Angels Destroyed...

The roller derby track from Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle has been leveled in a violent windstorm...



A couple years ago, Lali Outhoummountry, the captain of the San Francisco Bay Bombers, and her husband Patrick purchased the track that was used in the opening sequence of the film Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.

Last Wednesday, the 1,500 lb. track that was being kept in the Outhoummountry's backyard was picked up by Tornado-like winds, and crushed to pieces.

According the Las Vegas Sun, Lali Outhoummountry said:

the boards started to writhe as the metal framework holding them together began to yield.

The track, which was being kept in the family's backyard, was a vintage high-banked track reminiscent of the tracks used in the 1960s when roller derby was a Saturday Afternoon television favorite. Today, the most competitive and popular leagues use a flat track.

Lali Outhoummountry and her husband, who both work in casinos and invested $25,000 dollars in the track, say they intend to rebuild it.

Kids these days...

The latest in performance stilt technology. These things claim that you'll be able to jump up to seven feet in the air and run at speeds up to 21 mphs.

...and if you're this guy, back-flip down residential streets and leap over an F-150.



Pogo-stickers, eat your heart out.

They'll run you about $350 bucks. But the children's model is available for only 339.99.

The kids model? Maybe its because I grew up in the era of Crocodile Mile and the Skip-Bo. But who would get these for a sweet, innocent, teeth-intact child?




Man, adults decide to take kickball back from fourth-graders, and this is what happens?