When is Creamer Going Off Today?

Paula Creamer - whose name is so suggestive it turns you into Beavis - carded a course record 60 yesterday in the first round of the Jamie Farr Owens Corning Classic. Creamer birdied nine of her last 11 holes.

Playing partner Natalie Gulbis, who really mailed it in with 74, said of Creamer, "she's a birdie machine!"


Well said, Natalie. I'm definitely aroused.

These two rivals in LPGA babedom are paired together again today. And as usual, I've done scrupulous research leading up to their tee time... here's a swing comparison:



I didn't hear a goddam word she just said. I know a little about golf, so I'll summarize what we're seeing here...torque.

Unadulterated...sexified...torque.

Creamer Shoots 60, Leads LPGA's Farr by Five Strokes

Toss the Burner: July 11, 2008

"I'm an otter...I do cute little otter things with my tail. You're free to go."

• EBAY ITEM OF THE DAY: DAVE ROZEMA KARATE KICK (The World of Issaac)
• Naked Body Painting Phenomenon Hits NHL, Flyers (Busted Coverage)
• Derrick Rose: Already On His Way to Bust City (Rumors and Rants)
• TOP 10 NAME CANDIDATES FOR THE NEW OKLAHOMA CITY NBA TEAM (Epic Carnival)
• Minor League Manager, Kash Beauchamp, Goes Crazy Video (NESW Sports)
• At Least the Reception, Um, Has Lots of Food When You Get Married at Waffle House (Brahsome)
• Face Plant Friday: Scalabrine Edition (Don Chavez)
  

...ah yes, the soothing sound of the ice in my third caffeinated drink of the day being stirred.

Billionaire Soccer Club Owner Barks at Bin Laden Buyout

Mike "Got Money Like 10 Mo' Times" Ashley, the owner of Newcastle United, put it bluntly when asked if he was considering a company owned by relatives of Osama Bin Laden as a potential investor in his club:



"I think I'll start with people from Newcastle, not in some cave in Afghanistan," Ashley told UK paper The Telegraph.










Rumors have been swirling that Ashley is looking for club investors after his firm Sports Direct took a bath this year in the profits (down 50%). Ashley primarily blames it on the disagreeable weather conditions in England; looks like he's a got a ways to go in working this out.

Back up to those futbol crazed Bin Laden's for a second...

The Telegraph also reports that The Saudi Binladin Group, which run by Osama bin Laden's half-brother Bakr bin Laden, distanced themselves from the Al-Qaeda founder some years ago.

Now I am no great fiscal mind, far from it in fact. But have we considered a name change for the Binladin Group? Even my cut-rate sensibility tells me that association with known terrorists - not really that great for brand equity.

What do they do exactly? Who knows. And I'm not going to be the guy who gets his I.P. address flagged for visiting that website. Nope.

Links:

Mike Ashley Rules Out Newcastle Sale to Bin Laden Family
Newcastle Gets $263 Million Buy Out Offer
Why Mike Ashley Won't Sell Newcastle United Just Yet

God Save The Wheedle!

Oklahoma City will inevitably brick when they select the mascot for their as of now unnamed NBA franchise.


I have no faith in the mascot moniker selection process. When I was in High School, the school's administration decided it was no longer (never at any point) P.C. for our mascot to be the Indians. We came damn close to becoming the yaks as I recall... and then, seemingly overnight, we became the nighthawks.


What kind of hawk? Don't strain yourself, chief. Nighthawks don't exist. We went from being something predatorial from the Himalayas, straight to fantasyland.


All you Okie kids holding out hope that your team is going to be something sweet like the Capitol City Dusters of Doom, give up hope. It's a futile enterprise.

Remember what happened with the last shake-up? The Charlotte Hornets moved to New Orleans and became...actually they stayed the Hornets. The NBA is devoid of creativity; Oklahoma City, the best you can probably hope for is the Ado Annies.


That is why Supersonicsoul reminds us that it is important today that we remember The Wheedle, who from what I can tell was a pretty stand-up mascot.


First off, he looks like a close relative of Grimace, who like beers and has a diet that consists entirely of rare steak.

The Wheedle was the Sonics mascot from 1974 to 1985, and was part of a championship Sonics squad. There is no doubt that him and D.J. were boys.


He was replaced by Squatch, short for Sasquatch, also known as Big Foot. No shame in going down to guy like that. When you looked like Chewy in the mid-80s you pretty much made your own rules.

A lesser known fact, after the Sonics, the Wheedle went on the play lead guitar in the Seattle grunge outfit Love Battery.




Finally though, prior to all of this, a 1974 children's book suggested that at one point The Wheedle gathered up all the clouds in the Pacific Northwest and put them over Seattle causing the dismal weather conditions that plague the city even today.

...that's right, he is the guy who made it rain.




I can only hope that you land on a mascot with half this much cred, gut circumference, and sophistication, Oklahoma City.

Give Me A Hug!

Fine work by Federer to get out of there before McEnroe suggested they get an apartment together off the coast of Dubai...



Hope he brought a pumice sponge to wash off all that awkward.

Zombie Kickball III was a nightmarish good time!

Over 200 undead showed up in Portland last weekend for the aforementioned Zombie Kickball.

As the appointed hour approached, dozens of the undead of all ages streamed onto the field. Two zombies in Hawaiian shirts carried maps; another wore a bloodied wedding dress and clutched a frying pan; one was wrapped in a vine and carried a watering can; more than a few were impaled with various implements or carrying rubber body parts. (via SunJournal.com)

...Zombies from all walks of the afterlife! Including Elvis who, according to my sources on the inside, lost track of the game at one point and was seen knawing on his hand in the outfield.

Apparently, Zombie Elvis works as an educator and composer in the community too. True Story.



See more Zombie Kickball 2008 photos here.





...rumor is that they're staging another one of these sometime soon in Bellingham, WA to be filmed professionally.

Kids Rugby Broadcast Accidentally Spliced with Porn

According to reports, four minutes of porn stars havin'-a-go slipped its way into the broadcast of a schoolboy rugby match Sunday on New Zealand's Prime TV.




Rugby parents are like the crazed hockey parents of the Auckland region, so obviously this will not stand. One parent said of his eight year-old son, his innocence is lost.



Prior to this, I had this vision of what down-under rugby fans are like...one man's system distribution fault is another man's bonus coverage, right Russell?


Kids, rugby, porn; this is such a slippery slope. And Prime TV apologized for the mix-up after all. We'll quit while we're ahead.

The RZA Takes on Prodigies in Team Speed Chess

9Queens, a non-profit organization started last year by an Ivy League grad and a former National Chess Champion, hosted a team speed chess tournament Saturday, July 5th in New York City at the Chelsea Art Museum.


Teams of two squared off in 10-minute timed matches with teammates alternating moves.


Rap impresario and chessmaster the RZA came through, and teamed up with Jennifer Shahade - two-time Women's National Chess Champion and co-founder of 9Queens - to take on two N.Y. prodigies. Check it out:



9Queens is a national organization dedicated to providing chess education in low-income and impoverished communities. Also on hand was Wuchess.com, a social network for chess players that was launched earlier this year by RZA, and donates proceeds to the Hip-Hop Chess Federation.

Check out more photos from the 9Queens Knockout Invitational on flickr.

Chess players from I.S. 318, the 2008 Girl's National Chess Champions

Adisa Banjoko, founder of the Hip-Hop Chess Federation

Links:

• Tucson Q&A with Jean Hoffman
• Website for New Non-Profit, 9Queens, Launched
• Brooklyn Public School is Big Winner at National Championship
  

Toss the Burner: July 2, 2008

Natalie Coughlin did herself and her country a solid by breaking the 100-meter backstroke World Record yesterday...it reminded me of what a dime piece she is.

Check out the best of the rest...

• 5 Areas of Concern for a Sports Blogger (The Sports Dollar)
• Your Fourth of July Throwgasm Breakdown (Deadspin)
  
• Wayne Rooney and WAG Honeymoon in Vegas (on205th)
• The Cooley Zone: collecting cards and selling them on Ebay (The Shutdown Corner)
• That's a Piercing Scream (With Leather)
• Shaq's Kobe Rap Immortalized as a Cell Ring Tone (SportsByBrooks)

...she's still not my favorite Natalie though.


...or my second favorite.

Is Shaolin Shadow Boxing an Olympic Sport in Beijing?

If you connect the dots it would appear so…


50 days from today, Wushu, the National sport of China, will make its Olympic debut at the Beijing Games. Backtracking to 1982, Jet Li put this style of martial arts on the map in the transcendent Kung-Fu film Shaolin Temple. The movie is often credited with helping revive Shaolin in China. And prior to his movie star fame, Jet Li honed his skills as member of the Beijing Wushu team, where he was a five-time Wushu National Champ. (via Wikipedia)


The People’s Republic of China formally created wushu, which literally translates to Kung Fu in Chinese, in 1949 in an attempt to nationalize the practice of martial arts. Shaolin Kung-Fu’s origin dates back to the eighth century, and there are over 100 styles of martial arts that have some relationship to Shaolin. However, experts say that aside from a few systems it would be virtually impossible to establish a connection between Shaolin and modern Wushu.


Still, as someone who grew up in the Mortal Kombat-era (Liu Kang was a shaolin monk), I’d be elated to see Olympians executing tiger-style, shaolin shadow boxing and the Wu-Tang sword style.

The International Wushu Federation petitioned the IOC to be included as an official sport in this year's Olympics. The IOC is allowing the IWF to hold an event during this year’s games, but it will not count as one of the 28 official Olympic Sports. Instead, it is being called the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games Wushu Tournament. (via Wikipedia)

The tournament will feature teams from 25 countries including the U.S.A. The American team currently trains in Willimantic, CT, and includes 15-year old Wang Kewen who has studied Wushu since he was six years old, and 17-year old Li Tianya who has trained since she was nine.

In 2007, the IOC told the lobbyists for Wushu that they would need at least 80 countries to participate for it to become a legit event at the games. According to Mr. Wu Bin, Director of Wushu Academy UK, they have over 100 countries on board now and are working towards the 2012 Olympics in London.

For more info, check out the International Wushu Federation's Website: IWUF.org

Check out footage of Wushu from Jet Li's 1982 film Shaolin Temple: